[ He doesn't understand all of it, and perhaps he can't, unless Lilith takes the time to explain things that might be too complicated for a single afternoon. She's said a lot as is, and he takes the honesty in stride. That's all he wanted. That's all he expected, too, even after Crowley tried to warn him that he probably wouldn't get that.
But Adam believes her. ]
I guess that's understandable. [ He comments almost too casually. ] If you were just afraid she'd know.
[ There's something else on his mind. Not the same situation, but his own parallel none the less. ]
...there's tons of people here from a lot of different places. We don't know what they really are, most of them.
[ Like the witches she's told him about. How many people could be hiding their true natures for their own safety? ]
( she catches that pause, the carefulness of how he speaks and-- it's a funny thing. she remains gentle with him, more a guidance that he can tell her if he chooses than outright asking him. because it's his secret and he needs to be comfortable with who he tells )
Well-- some secrets need not be shared with others. They are yours, your choice of whether your share them.
( and while she didn't have to admit hers even with him asking she had for a reason -- some form of trust )
If you do share it make sure you know why you are.
[ A form of trust - that's what it meant to him, too. It was hardly too shocking, now, to hear that someone's actually a non-human creature. Two, three months can do a lot when it all happens at once. All that mattered to him was feeling like she wasn't lying. And perhaps proving a point to himself, after the exchange he had with Crowley.
And she came clean. But now, he sits there, wondering about the other side of that. About being honest. About how things hardly matter here, really, when you're entirely out of your element. He's not really ashamed; he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even though it was a huge deal back home. He didn't entirely erase that part of himself, he feels it there. And he also feels like maybe she deserves the honesty.
In fact, considering what she told him she is, the whole thing with the garden, with Lucifer, angels, demons, things of such nature. It makes sense, right?
He puts a lot of thought into that, in a few lingering seconds. He makes his decision. And he looks at her again.]
I have one, too. [ Grave only because it's a secret, less about its actual nature. ]
Do you remember that time, at the bank? When those robbers were getting in.
( she straightens up slightly, quietly looking over him before responding )
I do remember. The day that we first met.
( and it had been that first moment that had sparked curiosity within her, a wonder of what he was, the power that she felt from him that was so familiar and yet unknown. it was a curiosity that she'd still had but one that she'd put aside -- people were from different places and their powers felt entirely different from what she was used to. but it seemed that it really did come with a story )
[ And what a story it is. Adam doesn't even know all sides of it, just his own and a vague knowledge of what happened in a general sense. There's a lot he knows in a general sense. A lot of things that just are in his mind now.
He's never explained it. Never tried to. So he finds it particularly difficult to put into words, but he's still going to try. ]
Their guns didn't work because I knew they weren't going to.
[ He keeps facing her now. Serious, but not too solemnly so. Just focused and honest. ]
[ Magic can manifest itself in many ways. It can also be interpreted in many ways. Of course, it's all a matter of perspective, but perhaps it doesn't quite fit to describe Adam's ability. What he does in fact do - now in a much, much smaller magnitude than he could back at home - is mold reality to his will.
It's not as much fun as it sounds. Which is not to say it isn't fun at all.]
Yeah. [ Though he pauses and scrunches his nose slightly, thinking about it.] Sort of. Things happen if I want them to happen.Β
[ It isn't always conscious. But that's where the limits from what he's done in the past, and the limits implied by this place, come right in handy. ]
( curious. lilith had an idea of what he meant even without him being specific about it. magic for herself involved a clear will -- without a strong intent behind your spell little would be accomplished so it made sense that it was his intent that had done it even if it hadn't been any magic.
except whilst that makes her curious there's a part now that makes her concerned, something that he also seems troubled by )
Adam, whatever you did-- ( but this is where she's not so good, a mentor yes but not as skilled at reassuring. soothing ) I'm certain that it will be alright.
[ What can you say when all of a sudden you find yourself able to mold everything to your will and beliefs and find a rising urge to destroy and remake it all? No guidance, no warning, just something that was. Something that was over because he wanted it to be over. Something that didn't happen because there's people in his life that told him what he was doing wrong - even if they didn't know what was going on.
Perhaps he's not so shocked about that side of the world, where magic is real, angels and demons and others live among everyone else. He doesn't know why, but he's not. There's a lot, always there, in background of his mind.
He's come to terms with it. But he also never spoke about. That's strangely harder to do. You wouldn't think so, right? ]
It was fine. Sort of. [ Still casually. ] I fixed it.
I just wanted to make everything better. But the way I was doing it was wrong.
( lilith nods, understanding what he means. so many people wanted to change things but didn't know how and it was a precious thing that lilith would have to balance when she finally frees herself of this place -- how to rule as queen )
The power that you have, that allows you to do this-- Where does it come from?
( lilith was a witch, had claimed her power after her banishment but what was adam? not a witch, no )
Glancing down and furrowing his brow, he thinks. He knows the answer, he's aware. But, once again, not something he's said out loud before. It feels so strange. ]
I was meant to have it. I was meant to destroy the world. At least, that's what they said.
[ 'They'. Angels. Demons. The voices. They all said he was meant to rule, to destroy it all, build it back up. He was meant to bring The End, and The Beginning. He was meant to rule everything.
He didn't want to.
Adam looks up at Lilith again. ]
They said the devil was my dad. Like it was all planned. But dads don't just show up to tell you off. And everyone else just showed up at the same time, saying loads of stuff. It was all so...confusing.
[ Bits of information, as he tries to parse through it in his head. She might not have all the context, but the core of it is simple enough. ]
( lucifer. of course. his power manifested a little differently than sabrina's had but of course she was also a witch. perhaps this is why she'd always thought the two would get on )
You wouldn't be the only one to say that. That your father is the person who you know, not just your biology.
( and that wasn't limited just to sabrina )
So you-- willed the apocalypse not to exist?
( she's a little impressed by that. though anyone that beats down lucifer has her respect )
I'm certain that response wasn't something he'd considered.
[ Her question makes him pause, because that was not quite what he meant to do. The apocalypse didnβt happen, because he made it so, but it was more of a consequence than the main action.]
No, I just didnβt do it. I mean, I almost did, I- [ He falters, for a second.]
I wasnβt thinking straight. But my friends helped me see it wasnβt the right thing to do.
[ As much as he likes Aziraphale and Crowley now, the truth is he had no idea who they were, that day. They were two more faces in a whole mess of people.]
Yeah.
I was...[ But he pauses. Itβs weird, thinking about it, being out of that headspace and thinking back on it. It feels both wrong and natural in equal amounts, and he doesnβt know how to process that.]
I was angry. And I was wrong. I donβt know what I would have done without them.
[ Adam has to nod, lips flattened. He still feels a little bad. But kinds are as kids do...and he's a kid, first and foremost. Partially demonic nature notwithstanding. ]
There's still a lot that's wrong. But there has to be other ways to fix it.
What if there isn't anyone to guide them? It sounds like everyone keeps secret and does bad stuff and then acts like they can just do that. There's so much just...wrong.
[ He could have changed it. He tried to. That didn't go well. ]
All I know is that people deserve the chance to change, but there's a lot of folks who don't even try.
Some secrets do harm yes but not all. But-- one person alone can never change everything. Small steps but it would require others making small steps for it to have a large enough impact.
( and the right impact. one person alone always spelled disaster )
[ He thinks that over, looking very much like a child that's still dealing with conflicting thoughts, but Lilith's right.
He did learn his lesson back then, but but he still thinks there's a lot to fix. A lot that's unfair. And, by the looks of things, it doesn't seem to just happen in his world, but most others. ]
I wish we all knew what we should do. It's hard to tell what's right, or who's going to try and stop you.
( her voice is a little lower, a little more reflective. so many over the years have tried to stop her from so much but what was worth it was aways worth persevering with. if you didn't try there'd be nothing that ever changed )
Perhaps you'll have the opportunity to change something for the better at some point. In the right way.
[ He thinks for a couple of seconds, then nods lightly. ]
I'll try.
[ And not by erasing everything and starting again. He knows he's not the only one who thinks things need to change, and he's sure there's a lot of others out there. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But Adam believes her. ]
I guess that's understandable. [ He comments almost too casually. ] If you were just afraid she'd know.
[ There's something else on his mind. Not the same situation, but his own parallel none the less. ]
...there's tons of people here from a lot of different places. We don't know what they really are, most of them.
[ Like the witches she's told him about. How many people could be hiding their true natures for their own safety? ]
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( there's a curiosity of whether he's simply making a comment based on this or whether he has something more specific in mind )
Whilst many people are honest about what they are others have reasons to keep hidden, perfectly valid ones.
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He considers it and it shows, vaguely, by how something seems to be weighing on his mind, when her secrecy hadn't. ]
Yeah.
[ He's quiet for a couple of seconds, looking off as he thinks.
Then he looks up at her again. ]
Like not knowing what other people will think. Or if it's hard to explain.
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Well-- some secrets need not be shared with others. They are yours, your choice of whether your share them.
( and while she didn't have to admit hers even with him asking she had for a reason -- some form of trust )
If you do share it make sure you know why you are.
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And she came clean. But now, he sits there, wondering about the other side of that. About being honest. About how things hardly matter here, really, when you're entirely out of your element. He's not really ashamed; he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even though it was a huge deal back home. He didn't entirely erase that part of himself, he feels it there. And he also feels like maybe she deserves the honesty.
In fact, considering what she told him she is, the whole thing with the garden, with Lucifer, angels, demons, things of such nature. It makes sense, right?
He puts a lot of thought into that, in a few lingering seconds. He makes his decision. And he looks at her again.]
I have one, too. [ Grave only because it's a secret, less about its actual nature. ]
Do you remember that time, at the bank? When those robbers were getting in.
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I do remember. The day that we first met.
( and it had been that first moment that had sparked curiosity within her, a wonder of what he was, the power that she felt from him that was so familiar and yet unknown. it was a curiosity that she'd still had but one that she'd put aside -- people were from different places and their powers felt entirely different from what she was used to. but it seemed that it really did come with a story )
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He's never explained it. Never tried to. So he finds it particularly difficult to put into words, but he's still going to try. ]
Their guns didn't work because I knew they weren't going to.
[ He keeps facing her now. Serious, but not too solemnly so. Just focused and honest. ]
Because I didn't want them to.
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You ensured that they were unable to -- with your power?
( he cast a spell in some way? or something similar )
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It's not as much fun as it sounds. Which is not to say it isn't fun at all.]
Yeah. [ Though he pauses and scrunches his nose slightly, thinking about it.] Sort of. Things happen if I want them to happen.Β
[ It isn't always conscious. But that's where the limits from what he's done in the past, and the limits implied by this place, come right in handy. ]
It happened back home, too. But... Worse.Β
A lot worse.Β
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except whilst that makes her curious there's a part now that makes her concerned, something that he also seems troubled by )
Adam, whatever you did-- ( but this is where she's not so good, a mentor yes but not as skilled at reassuring. soothing ) I'm certain that it will be alright.
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Perhaps he's not so shocked about that side of the world, where magic is real, angels and demons and others live among everyone else. He doesn't know why, but he's not. There's a lot, always there, in background of his mind.
He's come to terms with it. But he also never spoke about. That's strangely harder to do. You wouldn't think so, right? ]
It was fine. Sort of. [ Still casually. ] I fixed it.
I just wanted to make everything better. But the way I was doing it was wrong.
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The power that you have, that allows you to do this-- Where does it come from?
( lilith was a witch, had claimed her power after her banishment but what was adam? not a witch, no )
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Glancing down and furrowing his brow, he thinks. He knows the answer, he's aware. But, once again, not something he's said out loud before. It feels so strange. ]
I was meant to have it. I was meant to destroy the world. At least, that's what they said.
[ 'They'. Angels. Demons. The voices. They all said he was meant to rule, to destroy it all, build it back up. He was meant to bring The End, and The Beginning. He was meant to rule everything.
He didn't want to.
Adam looks up at Lilith again. ]
They said the devil was my dad. Like it was all planned. But dads don't just show up to tell you off. And everyone else just showed up at the same time, saying loads of stuff. It was all so...confusing.
[ Bits of information, as he tries to parse through it in his head. She might not have all the context, but the core of it is simple enough. ]
So I changed it.
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You wouldn't be the only one to say that. That your father is the person who you know, not just your biology.
( and that wasn't limited just to sabrina )
So you-- willed the apocalypse not to exist?
( she's a little impressed by that. though anyone that beats down lucifer has her respect )
I'm certain that response wasn't something he'd considered.
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No, I just didnβt do it. I mean, I almost did, I- [ He falters, for a second.]
I wasnβt thinking straight. But my friends helped me see it wasnβt the right thing to do.
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( a curiosity not a judgement. she wonders if he means his actual friends or the angel and demon that had stood with him )
They do more than we can ever thank them for. An outside perspective can be very illuminating.
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Yeah.
I was...[ But he pauses. Itβs weird, thinking about it, being out of that headspace and thinking back on it. It feels both wrong and natural in equal amounts, and he doesnβt know how to process that.]
I was angry. And I was wrong. I donβt know what I would have done without them.
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( they were friends, there was always a reason involved and some bonds were difficult to break, even when strange things happened )
They would have preferred their world as it was.
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There's still a lot that's wrong. But there has to be other ways to fix it.
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( she nods at that, knowing from her own experiences across time )
Mortals often claim to but often they do more harm than good. But some thoughtful guidance could do more.
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[ He could have changed it. He tried to. That didn't go well. ]
All I know is that people deserve the chance to change, but there's a lot of folks who don't even try.
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( and the right impact. one person alone always spelled disaster )
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He did learn his lesson back then, but but he still thinks there's a lot to fix. A lot that's unfair. And, by the looks of things, it doesn't seem to just happen in his world, but most others. ]
I wish we all knew what we should do. It's hard to tell what's right, or who's going to try and stop you.
[ A pause, but he adds: ]
But it's still worth trying.
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( her voice is a little lower, a little more reflective. so many over the years have tried to stop her from so much but what was worth it was aways worth persevering with. if you didn't try there'd be nothing that ever changed )
Perhaps you'll have the opportunity to change something for the better at some point. In the right way.
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I'll try.
[ And not by erasing everything and starting again. He knows he's not the only one who thinks things need to change, and he's sure there's a lot of others out there. ]